70 days and counting

Its been 2 months and 10 days since I was laid off. 2 months and 10 days ago I thought that it sucked but I'd be okay and find a job in no time. I haven't, and its starting to get to me. I spent 3 hours today cleaning my house. I spent another 3 hours watching meaningless crap on TV. I've applied to over 100 different places and nothing. I am really starting to feel like I'm not good enough. I have worked my ass off to get where I was. I did well at every single job so that I could put it on my resume and have good references. NONE of it seems to matter anymore. I'm loosing hope and some of myself esteem. I feel like I'm not wanted.

People who have jobs don't understand. They look at me funny when I try to explain that its not fun sitting at home day after day with no money to do anything. They tell me to look at it like a vacation...F that, I don't want to be on vacation anymore!!1 I WANT A JOB. I want to get up, shower and put on real clothes, not another pair of sweats. I don't want to sit at home for a whole day.

I cry, when my boyfriend isn't home. I don't want him to see how sad I am. He has enough to worry about. When he asks whats wrong I lie and tell him nothing, that I'm fine.

Unless you have been in my shoes you will never understand this indescribable stress. It eats at you every day. I have been doing small things like dying my hair or getting my toes done, but it never takes the stress away.

So I'm on day 70 and counting....