Whats the Hurry

I live in California so yes there is a mass amount of attractive men in the Bay Area. And I am not going to deny myself from looking at these attractive men nor talking about them with whomever I am with at that time. It's healthy. Flirting is healthy and a part of human nature. Now here is the big kicker...I just got out of a 6 year relationship so I am in no rush to jump back into anther one. I am not flirting to bag one of these fine specimen. I do not need a man. I am happy with my life. I make my own money, I can fix my own things, and I am doing an amazing job raising my child. I am happily independent. I am 29 and so people are telling me I now have to hurry to find someone before I get too old. But why? If a relationship happens, it will happen. I am not going to rush, or hurry or try and force anything. The above might offend some people so I will break it down more. Do I like being in a relationship with someone...Yes, I think most people do, but I do not NEED someone. I have been raised to always take care of myself and to never depend on anyone else. There is a comfort and security with being in a relationship, but that shouldn't define someone. I think you have to be completely happy with yourself and your life before getting into a relationship. That other person is there to enjoy life with you, be happy with you. They should be there to support you when there are hard times. BUT BUT you should not be looking for a relationship or a person to make you happy, to fix your life, or to take care of you. No one else can make you happy, and I think this is where people get relationships wrong. Humans are selfish, so if you are looking at someone else to make you happy its not going to happen, they will eventually get tired of it. I am going to enjoy my life and my nugget and what will be will be. My happiness is not dependent on it.

Flipping to a New Chapter...

New Chapter: Single Mom Treading Water ...and I am okay. I will always be okay. Life doesn't stop because something changes, you have to keep going. I have the best little girl out of all of this and that is what is most important. Through our ups and downs we have evolved, faced challenges, and over came a lot in 5.5 years but it wasn't enough. Agreeably we have gone our own ways co-parenting quite well. Your would think that this would be the hard part and what I would be writing about, but its not. This has been easy. Its others opinions about the break up that are hard and sometimes hurt. I, for the most part, am a very private person and was the one in the relationship 24/7, but some people seem to think they know better. "I told you so", "you should have tried harder." etc...An untangling of lives is hard enough when its a mutual decision and instead of focusing on your opinion why not focus on the fact that the two people who where in the relationship are happy and get along. I do not need sympathy, I need support. I do not need someone telling me how hard it is going to be to get someone to date me with a kid, tell me (like an amazing person did) that single moms are hot and the best people to date because you get to see how they raise their kids, its like a working interview. P.S. Dating isn't priority right now any ways...I mean I know I am a year away from 30 but I am not close to dead. This is going to be about new adventures and growing and loving life. This is going to be about my little monkey and watching and helping her become amazing. I am amazing and that is not about to change because life is changing. I am me and always will be....

Where to begin...

It's been almost a year since I have written anything. Looking back at what I have shared and what has happens since it amazing. As I write this I am sitting in the tub, in a new place, with a 4 month old crying in the back ground. Her father (same guy as the past 5 years, a whole different blog all together) singing to calm her.
A BABY!!!!!! Yes, and she is the most AMAZING baby in the world. She graced us two years earlier than planned but she is so worth it.
No more about baby. She is mine for now and maybe later I will indulge your curiosities later.

What have I been up to? Well, where do I start? I went back to school for my bachelors...do not ask "In what?" I have no idea yet, well, some what of an idea...operations or accounting. We shall see where life takes me with this. (Her gab wring is unbelievably cute and distracting at the same time.) I am still at the winery. I was laid off when I was 6 month pregers but they brought me back to do phone sales. Hopefully something changes so that I can move up again....

I have learned to keep my mouth shut about my relationship. Why? Isn't it all apart of this blog with Liz to be open about EVERYTHING? Yes you are correct, but I found that I was only telling of the bad days, which every one has. And only talking about the bad wasn't the whole point of this blog. Relationships are hard work and in this world of instant gratification is is very easy to walk away at the first fight. There is NEVER going to be someone who is 100% what you want. It you find someone who is 80% of the most important things you want in someone the. Don't just walk away. Work at it. Relationships are...relationships are delicate. Walking away with out trying can damage a good thing that you may never get back.

I planned on writing more but her cries are consistent now which means she is ready for bed and she won't let daddy put her down yet.

For now this is what I can give. More later.

Friends

I've come to a fork in my personal road. Well perhaps "forks" is more appropriate. I don't know which path will be best for me and I'm scared to step into one and it not work out. I've been wanting to re-invent myself, so I started with dying my hair darker. I like it! It's fun!

I'm frustrated with not yet finding a nursing job. I would love to get more shifts and responsibility at my current job. I want to be able to buy things I want and need, instead of just prioritizing what things I need to buy for the week.

I've started going to the gym, using my free 3 month pass! I feel better, getting my Cardio on, and doing a little strength training too! I wish I could see results a bit faster, but if I keep going, maybe in a month I'll start seeing it, and perhaps in 3 months I'll feel and look fabulous for my 10 yr high school reunion. That's definitely one of my short term goals, looking fab for August!

I've been talking to a long time friend recently, and they've really been super awesome in giving me advice, support, someone else to laugh with (besides the ever hilarious Paul), etc. It's been nice to realize there are great people in this world who you can rely on. I love the friends that I have here in the OC and the one who aren't so close, I miss seeing them and hopefully I'll get to see a few soon when I plan to make a trip up north in May.

So a big thank you goes out to the friends that are emotionally and location-ally close to me!

Slow Going, With My Head High

I've still been applying to many many nursing jobs, little to no feed back, good or bad. It's frustrating at times, but I still keep chugging along. Thank goodness I still have BevMo to keep me sane....well sort of. There are a few fellow employees who are....not quite up to par. It's unfortunate, I wish their brains could just click, and things would flow better and faster and we could all help each other out, then in turn help all our customers efficiently and effectively. They are all very very nice, sweet spirits all around, but each one has a bit of a flaw that seems to put a chink in the chain. One's slow as molasses and it's almost painful, you wanna help them, but you don't want to butt in and make them feel inferior or over step your boundaries. Another is just simple-minded and is an airhead much of the time. The last is an older employee and by older I mean 60+, and well its just a generation thing, slower, slightly cranky, but like I said, they're all very nice friendly people. Just sometimes, I wish I didn't have to deal with them, although they give us great stories to tell at dinner time.

I'll love the day when I get a much better pay check and can contribute more to my family, and therefore start having a family, well a bigger family any way!

Thats all for now. Thanks for tuning in.

Crazy

That's how my mind has been working these past couple days. I don't know if its because I'm home-sick, or missing friends, or I don't have a full time job and we're living paycheck to paycheck, but I've been emotionally lacking something. Certain days have moments of fun and joy, but I would like joy more often than not.

I keep searching for a job, keep applying, but no bite yet. I'd love to work at Kaiser, anyone with connections?!

I'll leave this one short for now. lol

Excited about my current job!

So it's been a while....wow over 6 months I see. Well a lot has happened on my end. Finished Nursing school for my LVN license, which I received beginning of January. School was an interesting experience. I made some good friends, made some friends who are no longer friends, and didn't quite hit it off with some others. Met some incredible teachers, met some crazy teachers. All in all I learned a lot.

I love my new part time job at BevMo. It's soo fun, I get to talk about booze all day, not drink it, just chat!

Still sending out job applications on a daily/ weekly basis, no one's biting yet. I won't give up, I think God's waiting to put me in a great place.

The dog is good, the cat is good, we're all pretty dandy here, in Anaheim.