Finding my other half

Preface: Sometimes when I write these, I feel like Carrie Bradshaw in SATC.  I write like I speak. Short sentences, yet they make complete sense to me, and I have little reason to go back an rewrite. I form an idea, and then I must write it down so I dont forget.

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Im one of those people who loves to be social...loves to talk, go out to lunch, brunch, dinner, drinks, etc. I'm a "4-6" er.  Meaning, I would love to go out 4-6 nights a week and be with people, or my BFF, BF, Husband, etc. If I get 1-3 nights/ days a week to myself, I'm completely satisfied.  I know others who might consider them selves "1-3"ers, where they dont need to be around a significant other or friends all the time, and are completely content with doing their own thing "1-3" nights on their own.

I was in a much too long relationship for about 2 yrs with someone who I considered a "6-7"er, they wanted to call me all the time and if I didnt pick up right away, I MUST have been with another guy...(seriously, this was spoken to me on the phone, once I did call them back). If I didnt want to go out with them, (for the 4th time that week) at the bar then I didnt love them. It was like this for most of the later half of the relationship, I dont know why I stayed...Oh Wait....I do...I wanted someone to hang out with....plus a few free drinks and meals were in there as well.  Come on girls, we've all done it a few times, taking one for the team!

A new guy I'm "talking/texting" with, I've been sensing...plus he has told me, he isnt looking for anything long term, and that he's been known to be a heart breaker of sorts...this was during his military days.

This makes me think that he's a "1-3"er...not that he will be that way forever, or maybe he will, but right now, we're not meshing, and all we're doing is texting long distance. Broke my heart when I got a reply txt after I had said 'good morning', with the previous night saying 'good night', of "Chill with it". Apparently its too much, too soon, too often.

But this is exactly my point, I understand he's not trying to be mean. He just wants the space he wants, and I, being the social person I am, want more! I want a lot out of my friends that I consider special and dear to my heart. I expect a 50/50 return on what I give vs receive and I do not think that that is too much to ask.

So to round the bases and bring it on home, I think I'll see where this friendship goes, and if its not meant to be, then yes I will be sad and back to square one, but perhaps he wasnt my other "4-6"er. My other half is out there.

Christmas Time is Here...

...and with that comes all the holiday parties, which I love. Well what the hell I'm I writing about then...Yesterday was a 1 year old birthday party. I, as always, was the first one there. So naturally I became the greeting party with the birthday girl in hand. Hey!!! hugs, let people walk in, then its "where is the baby and boyfriend?" Oh yeah, I didn't tell these people...I haven't told any body really, so then it was the whole..."well...Baby is with her dad on the weekends and we aren't together anymore...but it's okay, everything is great." and then it hit me last night. I have a few more holiday parties to go to, where there will be a lot of people who do not know, and I am not saying it is their business, but I know its going to come up. I do not want it to come up at a holiday party only for the fact that it REALLY is okay. My life is great and I am happy. I do not want anyone to feel bad and ask me if I am okay, because I end up having to convince them that I really am okay, people can be okay after a break up, break ups do not have to be bad or traumatizing all of the time. They can be mutual, civil, and easy...and its a holiday party, who wants to talk about that stuff anyways? Now the only bummer this year is going to be watch my brother and his wife making out on New Years...yuck. At least I will be looking cute.

Whats the Hurry

I live in California so yes there is a mass amount of attractive men in the Bay Area. And I am not going to deny myself from looking at these attractive men nor talking about them with whomever I am with at that time. It's healthy. Flirting is healthy and a part of human nature. Now here is the big kicker...I just got out of a 6 year relationship so I am in no rush to jump back into anther one. I am not flirting to bag one of these fine specimen. I do not need a man. I am happy with my life. I make my own money, I can fix my own things, and I am doing an amazing job raising my child. I am happily independent. I am 29 and so people are telling me I now have to hurry to find someone before I get too old. But why? If a relationship happens, it will happen. I am not going to rush, or hurry or try and force anything. The above might offend some people so I will break it down more. Do I like being in a relationship with someone...Yes, I think most people do, but I do not NEED someone. I have been raised to always take care of myself and to never depend on anyone else. There is a comfort and security with being in a relationship, but that shouldn't define someone. I think you have to be completely happy with yourself and your life before getting into a relationship. That other person is there to enjoy life with you, be happy with you. They should be there to support you when there are hard times. BUT BUT you should not be looking for a relationship or a person to make you happy, to fix your life, or to take care of you. No one else can make you happy, and I think this is where people get relationships wrong. Humans are selfish, so if you are looking at someone else to make you happy its not going to happen, they will eventually get tired of it. I am going to enjoy my life and my nugget and what will be will be. My happiness is not dependent on it.

Flipping to a New Chapter...

New Chapter: Single Mom Treading Water ...and I am okay. I will always be okay. Life doesn't stop because something changes, you have to keep going. I have the best little girl out of all of this and that is what is most important. Through our ups and downs we have evolved, faced challenges, and over came a lot in 5.5 years but it wasn't enough. Agreeably we have gone our own ways co-parenting quite well. Your would think that this would be the hard part and what I would be writing about, but its not. This has been easy. Its others opinions about the break up that are hard and sometimes hurt. I, for the most part, am a very private person and was the one in the relationship 24/7, but some people seem to think they know better. "I told you so", "you should have tried harder." etc...An untangling of lives is hard enough when its a mutual decision and instead of focusing on your opinion why not focus on the fact that the two people who where in the relationship are happy and get along. I do not need sympathy, I need support. I do not need someone telling me how hard it is going to be to get someone to date me with a kid, tell me (like an amazing person did) that single moms are hot and the best people to date because you get to see how they raise their kids, its like a working interview. P.S. Dating isn't priority right now any ways...I mean I know I am a year away from 30 but I am not close to dead. This is going to be about new adventures and growing and loving life. This is going to be about my little monkey and watching and helping her become amazing. I am amazing and that is not about to change because life is changing. I am me and always will be....

Where to begin...

It's been almost a year since I have written anything. Looking back at what I have shared and what has happens since it amazing. As I write this I am sitting in the tub, in a new place, with a 4 month old crying in the back ground. Her father (same guy as the past 5 years, a whole different blog all together) singing to calm her.
A BABY!!!!!! Yes, and she is the most AMAZING baby in the world. She graced us two years earlier than planned but she is so worth it.
No more about baby. She is mine for now and maybe later I will indulge your curiosities later.

What have I been up to? Well, where do I start? I went back to school for my bachelors...do not ask "In what?" I have no idea yet, well, some what of an idea...operations or accounting. We shall see where life takes me with this. (Her gab wring is unbelievably cute and distracting at the same time.) I am still at the winery. I was laid off when I was 6 month pregers but they brought me back to do phone sales. Hopefully something changes so that I can move up again....

I have learned to keep my mouth shut about my relationship. Why? Isn't it all apart of this blog with Liz to be open about EVERYTHING? Yes you are correct, but I found that I was only telling of the bad days, which every one has. And only talking about the bad wasn't the whole point of this blog. Relationships are hard work and in this world of instant gratification is is very easy to walk away at the first fight. There is NEVER going to be someone who is 100% what you want. It you find someone who is 80% of the most important things you want in someone the. Don't just walk away. Work at it. Relationships are...relationships are delicate. Walking away with out trying can damage a good thing that you may never get back.

I planned on writing more but her cries are consistent now which means she is ready for bed and she won't let daddy put her down yet.

For now this is what I can give. More later.

Friends

I've come to a fork in my personal road. Well perhaps "forks" is more appropriate. I don't know which path will be best for me and I'm scared to step into one and it not work out. I've been wanting to re-invent myself, so I started with dying my hair darker. I like it! It's fun!

I'm frustrated with not yet finding a nursing job. I would love to get more shifts and responsibility at my current job. I want to be able to buy things I want and need, instead of just prioritizing what things I need to buy for the week.

I've started going to the gym, using my free 3 month pass! I feel better, getting my Cardio on, and doing a little strength training too! I wish I could see results a bit faster, but if I keep going, maybe in a month I'll start seeing it, and perhaps in 3 months I'll feel and look fabulous for my 10 yr high school reunion. That's definitely one of my short term goals, looking fab for August!

I've been talking to a long time friend recently, and they've really been super awesome in giving me advice, support, someone else to laugh with (besides the ever hilarious Paul), etc. It's been nice to realize there are great people in this world who you can rely on. I love the friends that I have here in the OC and the one who aren't so close, I miss seeing them and hopefully I'll get to see a few soon when I plan to make a trip up north in May.

So a big thank you goes out to the friends that are emotionally and location-ally close to me!

Slow Going, With My Head High

I've still been applying to many many nursing jobs, little to no feed back, good or bad. It's frustrating at times, but I still keep chugging along. Thank goodness I still have BevMo to keep me sane....well sort of. There are a few fellow employees who are....not quite up to par. It's unfortunate, I wish their brains could just click, and things would flow better and faster and we could all help each other out, then in turn help all our customers efficiently and effectively. They are all very very nice, sweet spirits all around, but each one has a bit of a flaw that seems to put a chink in the chain. One's slow as molasses and it's almost painful, you wanna help them, but you don't want to butt in and make them feel inferior or over step your boundaries. Another is just simple-minded and is an airhead much of the time. The last is an older employee and by older I mean 60+, and well its just a generation thing, slower, slightly cranky, but like I said, they're all very nice friendly people. Just sometimes, I wish I didn't have to deal with them, although they give us great stories to tell at dinner time.

I'll love the day when I get a much better pay check and can contribute more to my family, and therefore start having a family, well a bigger family any way!

Thats all for now. Thanks for tuning in.