Only looking forward, No looking back

The past 10 years have made me who I am, the good and the bad, but as I think about some of them I have realized that I would perfer to look towards the next 10.

As Liz put beautifully there are people that have passed that I miss more than life. There are really bad times that I never want to repeat and there are great times that I hope I got on camera. There are friends that I wish I still had and ones that I am glad have been there for life. There are new ones that I dont think know what they have gotten into by hanging out with me (no one tell) and an amazing boyfriend I have now that I cant imagine my life without. I have a family that drives me nuts in the best ways and a future that I look forward to.

Without the past 10 years I dont think I would be able to survive what might come in the next 10. Where will I be tomorrow, I dont know. I do know that i am going to try and be the best person I can be for me, my friends, my family and my boyfriend. I am going to work very hard to reach my goals in life and I am proud of myself for where I am now.

I do hope that when people reflect on their lives that they also look at what the World has gone through, what their community has gone through and maybe look at what in the future they can do to make it better. I hope that the world becomes selfless instead of more selfish and people realize that it is not just about them. You help your neighbor and your neighbor will help you.

I hope gay marriage will become legal in all 50 states and that our economy will grow strong.

End of a Decade

Wow. That's all I can say when I realize that 10 years has gone by so fast and so much has happened in my life. A lot of good, some bad, many struggles, many jobs, new friends gained, some dear friends passed on, and old friends lost, moving from new place to new place, engagement, wedding, school, more school, and once again more school.

Ups and Downs, anger and loneliness. I've felt every emotion this passed decade. Some I wish I could forget, but then without those bad feelings...how do we know what the good ones are!

I've had about 10 different jobs! from Food service to lifeguarding, to more food ser

vice, to sitting behind a desk, to more food service. (I'm starting to see a trend lol). It's been crazy, but I've gotten thru, moving out of my parents house, which was easy for me, probably not as easy for my mom, since I'm her only child. My family dog had to be put down, but when Paul and I bought the condo we gained a new member into our family! Little Ein!

I can't say I have no idea what's in store for 2010, cuz I know I'll be graduating from LVN Nursing school in August, and I know I'll be getting a newer car sometime within the year, MAYBE they'll be bigger talks of having children this year, and I'm pretty sure I'll be getting a new job.....Sorry Bob's Big Boy, you're just not cutting it!

But as for the next decade...I have no idea what's in store, ha ha ha! I'm sure there will be a child, perhaps even children of mine, I'm sure another move will happen, maybe an addition of another pet, whether it's a dog or cat I don't know. New places to go, new trips to take, maybe we'll finally get to go on a Honeymoon! I hate to even bring it up, but I'm sadly sure there will be some deaths within this decade, that I know no one will be looking forward to.

Who knows what the earth will be like in another 10 years, maybe we'll have our first woman president...but dear God, not Palin or Clinton...ugh. (Oprah?!?!) lol

Will we ever get our flying cars? Or our personal robot assistants? Will the economy be better? Will war/ terrorism end in the Middle East? Will we ever bring home our troops to their families? Will Obama fix...anything?! Will Gay marriage prevail? What jobs will be available? Will there still be good things and good people 10 years from now? or will an apocalypse happen?

I just know that I want to spend it with good people, good family, and esp. my husband. I love him this year and I'll love him next year, and the year after that, until I no longer breathe.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!

Remember me....

I am not brave, I am not emotionally strong enough (ask anyone) and I am a coward. I wish I have the courage that my brother and "brother-in law" have, but I don't. Nor do you.

At lunch today I saw the front page of the SF Chronicle and I couldn't take my eyes off a picture that is all to real. Its of a woman grasping the photo and touching the boots of someone that she loved and lost in the Fort Hood shootings. I couldn't stop staring because its real and it happens everyday. Troops die everyday and it took something to happen in the US for people to be in shock. There is a hill in Lafayette, California that you can see from the freeway and from BART...go look at it if you never have. It has the death toll from the war on a big board and crosses to represent each solider that has died since the war has started. Go look at that hill and think about if one of those crosses was for someone you know. The people who tend to that hill are fighting to keep people from not forgetting that this is real. That there are people everyday that don't get to come home. Its a reminder to not forget and a reminder to help.

The fight isnt over for the troops that come home. There are things that they have seen that you will never be told about. You will never fully understand and that can never be fixed.

I have a brother and a "brother-inlaw" that have fought and are fighting for you. Fighting so that you don't have to. Fighting to keep you safe. Please make sure that you dont forget that, or take advantage of that.

There are alot of places during the holidays that are supporting the troops and sending care packages overseas....get your neighborhood, church, or job invoved and send a thank you. Go to Starbucks and send coffee with a thank you if you want to do even the smallest thing....

Lets call it an Adventure!!

I've been thinking about how to word this all week so here goes nothing!

So sometimes I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants. (by the way I've had a glass of wine already and I'm supposed to be packing my house.) Work, moving, everything else is a lot right now.

I don't like moving but we have to...long story I wont get into details but we aren't able to get a place that we really want yet so we are moving to the "In-laws" which is going to test our relationship and it scares me. We are a team but I don't like the stress that I see happening. I'm going to have to commute 2 hours each way and with his long hours I pray that the love that we have for each other gives us the patients when the road gets rough.

Work, well that's interesting too. It's been a hard group to get into and some people there make you feel like an outsider. I'm not there to compete with anyone, but if someone asks my opinion or if I don't understand something I'm going to ask or tell them. Its a tough group and sometimes I just hide in my office. Maybe I do talk a lot but its only so they can get to know me, but it was pointed out the other day that some people don't like that I talk so much and that's hard.

All of this I guess I have to look at as an adventure, otherwise I know that its all going to get to me and that may distroy who I am as a person.

11 Reasons Why a Guy Might Dump You

Saw this article on Yahoo.com. I can't believe that I'm actually believing some of these reasons for my one unknown breakup. But maybe it's true, maybe I was getting to serious too fast. Either way, I'm glad he dumped me lol.

So enjoy:

11 Reasons He Dumped You

• by Rich Santos,

I was flipping through a Women's Health recently (I admit it), and I noticed an interesting poll. Women cited the following as the most common breakup reasons:

• He changed
• We weren't compatible
• He cheated on me

When I was little, it drove me crazy when my parents supported "no" with "because I said so." I always wanted a reason. I'm not sure if knowing why always helps, but perhaps if you know common reasons guys break up with girls, you'll at least be able to see it coming. So, here are mine:

I Got Bored: I've read many different hypotheses on attention span, but my favorite is (Wikipedia):

"Continuous attention span, or the amount of time a human can focus on an object without any lapse at all, is very brief and may be as short as 8 seconds. After this amount of time, it is likely that an individual's eyes will shift focus, or that a stray thought will briefly enter consciousness."

My attention span (unless it's a football game or a song) may be worse. I know a relationship is not supposed to be exciting all the time, so getting through those flatline moments between the sparks is critical. If I start having more fun with other activities, the relationship is doomed.

One of Us Was Too Serious: This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see her once a week. If she's flirting with other guys, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for her.

Burnout: I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: Being exclusive, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Ok, we did it...so now what?"

I Was Tempted To Cheat: I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my girlfriend, I figure it's time to break up with her. I don't need to go through with cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.

All My Friends Broke Up With Their Girlfriends: This is by far the most immature reason on this list. While my girlfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching "The Devil Wears Prada," my newly single guy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" and tearing up the town.That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.

Divergent Lives: If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.

Feeling Selfish: Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and yourself up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.

I "Misread" My Feelings: This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake—you get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason, dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.

My Friends Or Family Didn't Like Her: I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.

I Took Her For Granted: Great relationships should be easy, but there has to be some tension too—especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let her go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though.I never learn.

She Was Too Negative: All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if she makes me unhappy every time I see her, why stay with her?

What reasons have guys used to break up with you, and which make you most angry? What reasons have caused you to break up with guys? Which reasons do you think are the most common cause of breakups- do they differ for guys and women?

Follow Me On Twitter: twitter.com/richravens

Sorry it's been a while since my last post. With school, work, and studying it's been hard to find extra- extra time to write.

Never been here before

Other then being crazy busy with my new job I have to say I've never been here before...100% content. Yep, that's right, I have always felt that there was something missing in my life, wither it be with work or personal but as of this moment I feel full and complete.

I am happy with work, I am happy with my relationship and I am overall happy with life. Do I wish some times I had more money or brand new things? SURE I do, who doesn't? But those things do not make me who I am. I do not need those things to be happy or complete. I need all that I have and if grander things come my way then so be it, I will work towards them, please don't get me wrong, but I will not dwell on what I don't have. I only look at what is in front of me or beside me and Love it. All of it. I am blessed and I don't take that for granted.

Finally things are falling into place

After being laid off for 6 months I now have a job too!!! Go us! I have been working for Rosenblum Cellars for the last month and I love it. It keeps me super busy and it pays really well.

Also, I am happy to report that the Boyfriend and I are doing great! Due to the job that I have we are now able to get all the things that we have wanted for our house and for our future and it feels amazing. First a washer & dryer, tv, kitchen table, couch, pots & pans, and a new bed!!! Also on the list is a trip out of the country....Fiji maybe? (liz you wanna go too?)

I dont think I have been this happy in a really long time. I am truly thankful and still taking it all in...I feel like a grown-up.

New Job!

Woo Hoo Liz finally got a job. I'll be starting to serve again at a brand new Bob's Big Boy in Orange, CA!!!

I'm pretty excited. Meeting new people, getting back into the groove, servin up the original double decker burger!

We open Aug 9th. So come on down and ask for me!

The prospects of me are still in the air about nursing school. I'm looking forward to starting, but awaiting the finishing touches of monetary security. (aka my sallie mae loan.)

My birthday is right around the corner, and I'm taking Paul to Disneyland....it's going to be great! the only ride closed that day is Pinocchio's Adventure. This time... i'm SOOOOO having another Dole Pineapple Whip and i have no idea what else. lol

However even though this sounds like a lot of fun. I know it'll be crammed together and busy and perhaps even a little overwhelming. I'm praying that nothing bad goes wrong with my car in the mean time, so that I may get to the places I need to go. I'm also looking for clear thinking. I know I''ll need it!

Feeling Good

Lately I've been feeling good about not having a job, it's let me do some things I don't think I would've been able to do if I did have a job.  Been able to help friends, build more relationships with those friends, and just grow into a little more of a happier person.

It does, at times, get lonely here in the house by myself. Every now and then talk

ing to the dog like she can respond to my words!  I've been baking and trying new things. More muffins, Meatloaf, and my first fruit pie ever!  My peach and Apricot pie was awesome! 

 I brought it to our Bad Movie Nite gathering and I only ended up bringing home one slice. Crust was good, fruit was good, and the cinnamon/brown sugar filling was good. 

I even made the pie a lattice top...which is a little difficult, but once it's cooked, no one really cares if the lattice strips are actually interchanging correctly! (i'm not a martha stewart)

Aside from all the "fun" I'm having I am still looking for and applying for jobs almost everyday!

there's not many out there, at least in my area, for my qualifications...I mean sure there's like 40 housekeeping jobs, and 30 bus boy type jobs, and even 25 night shift jobs....but I'm very willing to find a job that's right for me! Good hours, quality company, and decent pay...well at least more than Unemployment!

HouseWarming

Paul and I just had our Housewarming party on Sat. It was a great turnout, with lots of food, and friends. We gave some tours, and shared a lot of laughs.  I'm glad people came, and from the look of things they really liked our new place!

Ein, the dog, was sooo shy, but by the last half hour people were here, she finally opened up and started walking around more and letting people pet her!  

I made my Pumpkin Pie muffins, Shrimp and Scallop Ceviche, Broccoli Salad, and Paul made a 7-layer dip !  We ordered pizza, (which we have some left over, so I think that will be lunch). MY friend Nikki brought Tres Leche cake, soo yummy!

We also combined our party into one of our Bad Movie Nites, Paul had us watch Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (which was really funny), and Killer Klowns from Outer Space...so stupid!

Girlie Girl

A girlie girl is what I am not.  I do appreciate girl things, like makeup, perfume, getting pedi's and manicures, and especially happy hours!  But it's more of the conversations that sometimes tend to go along with those events that I just don't feel I belong.  I don't obsess or drool over male movie actors, I don't yearn for a whole day of pampering at an expensive spa.  So going to brunch on a Sunday is...ok.  Even though I'd much rather hang out with friends and have a drink or two, than sit at home; I think it depends on who you go out with.  I love my girlfriends and some times it's the short meetings that are better than the long ones.  Small doses. Basically I sometimes go to outings to remind myself why I only do these on occasion.  

The conversations get to be mindless, and uninteresting, and sometimes (only sometimes) they can lead to bitchy-ness. I don't Need to wear makeup everyday, I don't Need to have my nails done, and wear the right shoes, or the outfit to match the bag, and personally I don't Want to either!

I think I enjoy doing some of these things alone.  I'd rather go get my pedicure by myself and really relax. I like shopping for clothes on my own terms and at my own pace (which is rather quick and efficient).  The only thing I'd like to do, that takes longer than 45 min., is reclining outside on my patio with a book and a chilled btl of wine, getting a little sun, and perhaps even falling asleep!

Japan and the unknown man

So my relationship is a little strained right now due to the fact that my boyfriend is most likely leaving in 5 months to go teach English in Japan. (There is a lot to it but I'm not going to go into complete detail. ONLY that hes leaving) I am in a way happy for him but there a part of me that is having a REALLY REALLY hard time, and I have been snapping at him lately. Not on purpose but because my feelings are hurt, and in turn hes getting mad at me. I guess this is going to be the true test to see if our relationship is going to last.

So I have been super bummy the past couple of days (I'm trying too not let it get to me) and today wasn't so peachy until I went to Safeway. (If I make eye contact with someone in an isle I usually smile and say hi in passing) Well today I was walking to the car after I got a few things and this guy comes up to me and says "Excuse me miss, I just wanted to let you know that I was having a really bad day and I just wanted to say thank you for that smile and hello in the isle. You are amazing." and then he walks away. All I could do was smile, it made my day. I think I liked that more then I guy telling me they think I'm attractive. So thank you random guy...that was much needed today.

What a week

Back to School

As of right now I'm debating over whether going back to school for nursing will be feasible.  I have the time, but it's the money that's the issue.  I can get up to $17k in loans from the gov. Which is nice at first, but it's the whole paying them back that worries me a bit.  The remaining 14k that I would owe the school, could either be paid in full, in partial payments as low as $430, or get a Sallie Mae loan.

I want to back to school, partly due to the economy, and I know there's a need for more nurses, plus I know it would always be a challenging job, and as of right now I want to work in pediatrics.

Classes start in August, so I still have time to think it over and get a part time job somewhere to save a little more money. 

So, anyone have some donations to help me go back to school?

Breathe

Maybe its because Im on my period but today isn't feeling right. I feel lame. So Im super happy that I am at my goal weight and I feel super good about myself. The boyfriend and I went the other day to get pedi's and mani's and he did the cutest thing and got his one toe done just like what my toes looked like. I didnt even ask him to do that...he just did it!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. We have so much fun together.

Here is the funk I'm in: NO JOB. I fell like less of a person. Im not Ants other half, I cant contribute to anything. I hate this. I hate sitting at home with nothing to do. He asked me yesterday when he got home what I did during the day and I feel lame saying "nothing, cleaned and hunted for jobs, thats all."

I know the answer, Breathe, it will be okay, you'll find a job. But it doesnt fix now. How I feel now. I'm tired of crying and feeling like this.

Gotta dog!

So the new addition to the family has been taking up some awesome time these past few days.  Our sweet girl 'Ein' came home on Wednesday (1st).  We've gone to the vet already, got her checked out, and we'll be going back on the 10th for some booster shots. then after that she can have play dates! (that is if she'd play).  She's about 10 mths-1yr old according to the vet. Sadly she does not play. It's weird. What dog doesn't know how or want to play a little tug-o-war, or fetch, or even carry a soft squeaky toy in it's mouth. 'Ein' doesn't!  We think she's A. never been around other dogs to really know what to do, and/or B. she was taught to be very submissive, perhaps she was the runt of the litter!?  We're not sure, but perhaps taking her to some Petsmart Beginner Training classes might help.

She's very much the lap dog, love's my husband and I.  Wags her tail when we come home, or even come down the stairs, she doesn't understand stairs either...that you can magically move your legs upon each step and it takes you to the top!  But for now that's actually working out for us, because the cat('Sknow') doesn't really like it.  'Ein' chased her up the stairs last night, so funny, but glad no one got scratched. 

Here she is after stealing her Aunt Tameys front seat in the car!

We love her, I love her, and she loves us.  That's all that matters.  Check out my facebook page if you'd like to see more pics of 'Ein'

OH and her name is from an Anime series called Cowboy Bebop, it's a nifty show. Anyway there's a dog just like her, named 'Ein'  like if you were to say Einstein. So we named her after the cute dog in that show!

70 days and counting

Its been 2 months and 10 days since I was laid off. 2 months and 10 days ago I thought that it sucked but I'd be okay and find a job in no time. I haven't, and its starting to get to me. I spent 3 hours today cleaning my house. I spent another 3 hours watching meaningless crap on TV. I've applied to over 100 different places and nothing. I am really starting to feel like I'm not good enough. I have worked my ass off to get where I was. I did well at every single job so that I could put it on my resume and have good references. NONE of it seems to matter anymore. I'm loosing hope and some of myself esteem. I feel like I'm not wanted.

People who have jobs don't understand. They look at me funny when I try to explain that its not fun sitting at home day after day with no money to do anything. They tell me to look at it like a vacation...F that, I don't want to be on vacation anymore!!1 I WANT A JOB. I want to get up, shower and put on real clothes, not another pair of sweats. I don't want to sit at home for a whole day.

I cry, when my boyfriend isn't home. I don't want him to see how sad I am. He has enough to worry about. When he asks whats wrong I lie and tell him nothing, that I'm fine.

Unless you have been in my shoes you will never understand this indescribable stress. It eats at you every day. I have been doing small things like dying my hair or getting my toes done, but it never takes the stress away.

So I'm on day 70 and counting....

Judging others and being Judged

This is one we all know from experience. Wether it's when you were little and not included in a game with friends just because you looked different or acted different, or even now, as an adult, being judged by where you live, what kind of work you do, or who you are friends with.

People seem to judge others for any number of reasons. Some might be valid, and some not. 

I say valid, because if you've actually hung around this person or group, and have spoken with them, interacted with them and tried to get to know them, and they just aren't your type of people you want to hang out with, then that's ok!  Not everyone is going to like everyone else in this world, but we still should try to remember to be courteous and civil.

I've tried being friends with a girl from my home town. She's married to someone I used to be good friends with, but have since gone our separate ways and are no longer on speaking terms. I guess my nostalgia has gotten to me and feel a need to reconnect since it's been 4-5 yrs since we last spoke. I don't have a phone number or email for my former friend, but the girl has a blog that I read on occasion, to see what's going on in their lives. 

I've tried to befriend her on myspace, facebook, etc. but I've been denied.  I feel she's judging me, due to only what my former friend has told her. Apparently it's not nice things. I feel hurt, and angry about this, because I truly think she and I could be good friends and we have a lot in common.  Should I just give up, or should I send a Twitter message, lol?! 

I think I deserve a chance to prove who I am and perhaps I've changed enough, that things that are said about me aren't true anymore!  

I know I have judged people in my high school. I won't lie, I did. Now that I'm older, and perhaps a tiny bit wiser, I feel a bit guilty for thinking they were bad people or mean people.

I can think of a few specifically that I have actually talked to on myspace and realized they weren't bad people and I probably should have got to know them better.  

I've found that if I have hung out or talked to someone long enough and I still don't connect or think they're my kind of person, I know I can leave and not have to talk to them again. (unless of course it's someone you work with, then you might want to address this with your HR person) 

Just something to think about and add to your everyday behavior.

Addiction

Why write about addiction you maybe thinking...such a heavy subject I know, but everyone has one...even you. Don't shake your head no at me...you do!!! Drugs, sex, alcohol, shopping, eating, color (yeah there are people who are addicted to color) cleaning...the list goes on. BUT...BUT...thats not the part of addiction that I want to talk about.

I want to talk about the things that cause the addiction.

I am addicted to shopping. Its a problem. When I have a bad day I have this urge to go shopping...like blow all my money shopping.When the boyfriend and I have an argument and I leave the house that urge, that dying urge to shop takes a hold of me. When I for no reason have a funky day I want to go shopping.

So after reading the above paragraph lets look at what causes me to shop...BAD DAYS!! I know what your saying...well if your having a bad day don't go near a store...good idea!!! If I don't shop then I replace that with...EATING. So there ends up being another problem...weight gain. I've known about my trigger for a long time, so I have learned that when I have a bad day I need to talk about it. I know that it drives my boyfriend nuts because hes not the talker, but for me, when we fight, I need to get it off my chest right away so that I don't trigger my addiction.

So here is my thought about addiction....

Everyone has an addiction, but the addiction overall is not the problem!!! Its what causes the addiction. For those who know they have an addiction and are working on it by going to meetings or what not, its great...but to fight the addiction I think that people (including me) need to work on what causes the addiction. Once you figure out what it is and work on the CAUSE the addiction, I feel, will on its own subside. It may never fully go away but I think that it will make it easier.

When love is not enough

Yes it is 3am and I cant sleep. There are so many things going through my mind and I don't know how to turn them off. The one person that I love the most has applied for a job overseas and there is nothing, not even love that can make him stay. My heart is breaking and I cant do anything about it. There are not enough tears in the world that could make him change his mind. I feel so so lost and confused.

Is there any real point in falling in love? I used to think that I would find it and be happy, and I'm not. I have falling in love and its leaving me. Everyone says that you'll find it again, but they aren't in my shoes. They don't know how I feel, what I'm going through. I found someone that I could see sharing my life with and in the end I'm just going to get hurt. I have come to accept the fact that I am going to be that single person for the rest of my life. You know what I am talking about, there is that one friend in every group that never gets married. Never has kids. Well you're looking at her.

Men, if there are any of you reading this, never tell a woman that you want to marry her, and want her to have your babies if you aren't going to follow through. DONT. If you don't mean it and you aren't going to do it please don't say it to her.

I have the man that I want, but I'm not what he wants right now and I think that there are fewer and fewer men like him in the world, and it makes me so sad to know I had what I wanted and now its going to be gone. Good men are few and far and a dime in a dozen and the chances of finding another one is slim.

What to do, what to do?...

Still searching and never again

So its been a month and a half of endless job careers, online searches and temp agencies and still no luck. Unemployment helps, but the light at the end of the tunnel just gets smaller as the days go by. I know that I am good at what I do and its frustrating to know that companies are taking people that have more experience over skill. Its driving me crazy.

Other than the job hunting there isn't much to tell...oh wait, there is. I went out on Saturday night with a girlfriend and some of her friends to a club. I did have fun and the club was nice, but some of the girls didn't know how to act right. I'm only 24, I know a baby to some, but there were girls there that were 18 and 19 and drunker than drunk. If you know how to handle your self when your drinking then I have nothing to say, but when you are under age getting into a club you need to keep your self in check. Wandering off to the bathroom with men that you don't know is not okay and giving your number to everyone who asks...even to a whole group of guys that are together isn't too cool either. If the group was half the ladies that is was I may go out with them again, but for now I'm limiting it to just that girlfriend.

Moving, Job, etc.

We're moving! Finally, I get to get my own place, and really settle down. Boxes are being packed, items are slowly being taken over to the condo. Calling all the utilities has started out a little rough, but I figure it'll eventually get done. Can't wait to sleep in my bed in a new place!

Once again I've basically been laid off from my job. 3 out of 4 got put on a 30-day furlough. which just basically means forced vacation with no pay. We still get our benefits, and can apply for unemployment. They says we'll maybe be brought back, but I hardly think it would actually happen as early as 30-days. I've been to a Temp agency, maybe they can help, or maybe I'll just find a simple part time job close to home, perhaps Disneyland?!

I tried to upload the mini tour of my condo on here, but it's giving me issues. Maybe I'll try later.

hmph, maybe it did work, enjoy!

The end of house hunting

So today was the relatively big day of ending our house hunt with signing 50 million papers, and confirming this, and stating that, sign here, sign there. Paul and I officially have bought our condo in Anaheim.

I probably don't act like I'm excited, but deep inside I am! Once I'm actually moving boxes into MY house, I think it'll become more real. I get to buy some curtains, washer, dryer, area rugs, and a handful of other odds and ends from Home Depot or Lowe's, to finish up the place. I think that's what I'm more excited about. All the little crap you get to buy for your place. I think it helps solidify the fact that it's yours and you can paint the walls any way you want, and re-do flooring, and bathrooms, etc. It's buying all the fun stuff you might hesitate buying when you rent. I can buy art for the walls, and start saving to get my mystery Westie dog who awaits me in the El Cajon area of Southern CA.

As far as how much more we're paying now as apposed to renting, only $340. Isn't that a little insane, that in this economy we got such a great deal! It's also amazing and insane as to how much renters are charging! For our 1bed 1bath with central a/c, comparitively seems like we wasted money renting, which in a sense you do, but if you have a little help, you can make buying something permanent so worth it in the long run. I won't lie, we did ask for some financial help from our parents, but we'll try to pay them back either with unlimited visits to the condo, food, or straight cash!

Ok enough for now, time to get back to...work!?

Just walk away..oh if it was that easy

So its easy to tell someone to walk away when things get bad in a relationship but how many times have you stayed. I dont think that because something, anything gets hard you give up. Now if someone is beating you or something of that level then yes walk away. Run, but if its a bump then I think that there is a chance that it can get worked out. If you love someone you will go to the ends of the earth to make the relationship work. Are there times when you do have to give up? Yes, but only after you have tried everything. Relationships arent easy, maybe thats why so many fail; people shy away from things that are hard and take the easy way out. Thats what society has become, whats easiest is best (i.e fast food, cell phones, online schools)and I think that people apply that to their relationships. They think its easier to leave someone because one thing isnt 100% and to try and find someone that may be closer to 100%.

Nothing in life is perfect. Thats the reason that people are not the same, but what percentage is close enough? 80%, 96%...99.8% and is the percentage thats not there worth walking away?

Running around like a chicken with my head cut off...

So I have taken time from posting because my life is a mess and have been trying to figure it out and then after reading the two newest posts by Liz I realized that the reason that we started this blog was to share our craziness. So here we go...

I was laid off last month and then my relationship took two steps back and I am mess. Things are better now in the relationship department but there is a part of me that is still sad that it went backwards instead of forward, but hes still here and is amazing. He is a great support right now when I feel completely lost in my job search. I couldn't love someone more. Saying the words are not enough so I got him a book...its called "Why I love you". I suggest everyone get it.

The job search on the other hand is going no where, I think its almost time to find a corner...There are good jobs out there but there are also a lot of people that are jobless fighting for those good jobs. I think I have applied to 40+ jobs and nothing. Also I'm down to my last $30 and I'm freaking out. my unemployment is delayed and I have no idea why. You can only call them wed. and thur. so I have to wait on that. Bummer.

Enjoy this update...the next one might be even better!!!

Visual

Today I've wanted to post, but haven't been inspired to write about anything in particular. So instead I've chosen to post pictures. The above are all found on the website http://www.ffffound.com/ (thanks to Phil)

5 Daily Habits

As the avid internet user that I am, I saw a Yahoo featured article on 5 Things Super Happy Couples Do Everyday. Upon seeing the title alone I knew I should check it out, just to make sure I was doing at least one of these things daily, with my hubby!

#1  Talk to Each Other.

Ok check, we talk...a lot!

#2  Flirt

I'll respond with words from Paul "well since you back your butt up into me regularly, that would be a Yes!"

#3  Get Stupid Together.

This would be a constant staple in our lives. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't be stupid and silly and goofy with Paul.  Talking about weird things, play video games, and so much more. These moments are a constant reminder that I found the right guy for me!

#4  Declare Your Independence

I think I'm able to do this a little more often than Paul, but perhaps it's because I sometimes really enjoy getting out of the house. Making a change in my daily routine of sleep, work, home, dinner, sleep, work, rinse, repeat. I love my volunteering at the childrens hospital and at the Ronald McDonald House.  I think Paul wishes he could have extra band practice to get out and play his drums. He's really good at it!

#5  Share a Spiritual Moment

This is probably the one that we lack in.  I have my short personal moments of inner prayer. But i've never asked if Paul does or has. 

Here's what the article says, "In another University of Chicago survey, this one of married couples, 75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't). Those who pray together are also more likely to say they respect each other and discuss their relationship together.

Not to say that prayer is a cure for all that ails you. But whether they're talking about a simple grace at dinnertime or some soul-searching meditation, couples routinely say that a shared spiritual life helps keep them close. "

So that's it for another entry. Thanks for stopping by.

New Year...same old me

To be honest I haven't really thought about any goals for this year. There is always room for improvement.

1.I think a focus is my relationship. I know there are thing that I need to work on to help make it stronger...things with in me. I do think that we have a stronger relationship then some people I know (not you Liz...you and Paul rock), but there is always room for improvement. We have with in the last year come along way and the love I have for my boyfriend can not be put into words. Knowing he loves me too makes everyday worth waking up to...even the not so good ones.

2. My job. I love my job, but I know that I have the potential to make more. This is something that I need to look at because I want to be able to contribute equally...

3. Education. I have the loving support of my BF and he is behind me 100% going back to school but I want to be able (again) money wise know that I am not slaking.

So these are the three things that I will work on....

A New Year, A New Start

Many people start out their new year with resolutions and predictions.  I'm not one to be completely unrealistic with them, they're usually do-able. More likely than not they'll be done and completed with in a month or two!  

So this year they are:

• Lose 10 lbs, (hopefully with my Wii Fit)
• Be a better helper around the home.
• Be pregnant!
• Get a new(er) car
• Get my Westie dog!

My list is in order of importance...or personal importance, anyway!

What are yours?