Selfish Relationships and the Damage

In the past few months I have multiple conversations with male friends who have fallen in love, even proposed, to only have their significant others say no or leave. This bothers me. Women are more emotional and fall into love more easily then men (sometimes.) Men have been taught for the longest to not show emotion so for them to fall in love and express it, especially with marriage, is huge. What comes after a man falls in love and it doesn't work out is even bigger. Try and date a man who has already been in love and has had his heart broken is like trying to get water and oil to mix. Their hearts are steel cages and it takes a lot to get them to open up again. Some never do. For a man to show that type of vulnerability to someone is huge;something women do not understand. They usually end up sticking to one night stands or have short meaningless relationships after.

It goes both ways though. If a women has been in a bad relationship they have the hardest time trusting again. They go into every relationship not trusting anything, which isn't fair to the new person. Women fresh out of a relationship will sometimes go for anything to seek validation that they can be wanted by someone or they shut down and build up walls. Either way it can be unhealthy.

Why am I writing about this? Well I think we are selfish and this is what destroys people after relationships. Sometimes we aren't honest when we start dating someone about what we really want from a relationship. Marriage, commitment, loose sexual connection, babies, house; the list goes on. You like the other person, your attracted to them, and do not want to miss out on the opportunity to see what it would be like to be with them. You hope that maybe in time you can be on the same page. Sometimes we sacrifice our wants to make the other person happy afraid to loose them, but in the long run it does more damage than good. Also there are times in a relationship where your wants or needs change in the middle of the relationship and we do not communicate that to the other person. And then its too late, the damage is done and it all falls apart. Relationships are about communication even in the very beginning. If the person you are dating wants to get married and have babies and you don't, then do not lead them on, or if some point down the road you realize you no longer want to get married etc...talk about it. It might mean you loosing the other person to someone else, but in the long run its better then destroying them.